I love 'LOVE'

I am a wedding planner on the verge of my second marriage
failing!

 

I feel like I’m a punch line of very bad joke. The crazy
thing is I still believe in love, marriage and commitment. It’s still my
driving force in my business, I love ‘LOVE’, and I love watching people
enjoying their own love. It’s a truly magical energy to witness when two people
decide to share lifetime vows with each other.

 

I should know I have said vows twice already and can
remember the feelings of speaking those words to each of my husbands! Even just
re reading that line I smile ‘husbands’, how did this happen? If you are
thinking I’m in anyway bitter with my life or attitude to marriage, stop there.
I love both of my husbands deeply; both will always remain in my life as I have
shared a great deal of mine with them.

 

A little history if you like, I first married when I was
just 22 years of age to a beautiful, successful man, who feel in love ‘with the
smile’ I was going to have one day! A beautiful man who could see past my inter
turmoil and truly see the women I was going to become. We had an amazing marriage,
which saw 3 healthy, happy boys born to share in our lives, a stunning dream
home in our chosen seaside town, many happy memories, many adventures and a lot
of person growth.

 

It was roughly after out third son was born, I had been
dealing with postnatal depression and had discovered I had a massive hole
missing in my heart. Our children I adored, our home, or our pets couldn’t fill
it, something deeper was out of place. After more years of listening to myself
I discovered I needed to follow my own person dreams, I need to follow my inner
fire, so I went to University to study Business, only to find Marketing was my
true passion. While getting lost in books and submitting assignments, I could
still hear my inner self-yearning for something more, but I didn’t now what. As
with most relationship breakdowns it happens over a long period of time before
you discover the damage.

 

My husband and I time went to couples counseling to try and
mend our void, but to no avail. The arguments became more often and our kids
started to notice, which broke our hearts. After yet another sleepless night I
whispered to my husband while laying beside him, ‘Please let me go’, such
haunting words uttered in the middle of the night.

 

It was just short of our 10-year wedding anniversary when I moved
out of our dream home and started to build a new life as a single mother of 3
beautiful boys. I left to find me and find what my heart was calling for. Yes I
was lost; everything I had ever known was gone, left behind in memories. I was
frightened, scared of power outs and how will I pay bills. My comfort zone was
turned on its head; I was in uncharted waters with no compass, but just a
glimmer of hope of finding a piece of the true me.

 

It seems crazy looking back on those paragraphs and
summarizing my life and feelings into such tiny paragraphs, I would hate to
remember the countless hours I spent crying alone, feeling my heart tear to
thousands of pieces, trying to tell myself I needed ‘this’. I think I started
to believe I was crazy. On the outside we had the perfect marriage, everyone
said so, but on the inside, something was wrong. Of course you come to point
and think ‘’I have made a massive mistake”.

Why would I leave such calm waters to sail an ocean of king
waves?

 

I asked myself this question countless times, ‘why did I
want this life’? On my journey I had discovered some truly beautiful things
about myself, which in turn projected out to people around me. I discovered I
could inspire people and support them on their path forward, help them navigate
the unknown ahead based on my own personal journey. I found a real deep sense
of love for others and their personal path and dreams.

 

I did find calmer waters again and a life rich in love and
happiness. I had everything, my 3 boys, and I found my dream job, by helping
others create their dream-wedding day. I had found my love on this very rough sea;
I found it while in the gardens showing clients what this certain venue could
offer. I noticed the small details of how they spoke to one another, how they
held each others hands, when they would stop and look back with a smile knowing
this would be ‘their’ special place. I felt the burning sensation in my heart,
and that’s when I realized that I cared deeply about other people’s dreams, and
I would see to it to help make them come true.

 

My path had presented itself and inspiration flowed like
ripples on the ocean.  I had set sail on
a new journey, a place unknown but full of potential.  I was in party mode and wanted to let my hair
down. I just so happened to be invited to such an event. I went to friends
birthday party with another close friend of mine, it was dress up time! Within
moments of arriving I was dancing and feeling free, I was single, happy and
grateful, I had stood by my inner calling and listened, I had become the driver
of my own life.

 

As fate would, I was introduced to very fun, good-looking,
great dancer who I spent the rest of the night dancing and talking with. Our
night came to sudden holt, maybe one to many where consumed and the party was
over. I didn’t get his name or number, but I left with a lasting impression.

 

It wouldn’t be for another 4 months until this happy dancer
walked back into my life. I happened to be enjoying my morning coffee at a
local café, when he drifted back into my life. His presents took my breath
away, I felt cheeky and flirty all at once, couldn’t take my eyes off his arms,
and his chiseled features, he was strong, fun and very good looking. We
exchanged details in the hope for a ‘surf’ lesson, but one thing remained, my
cheeky grin, I couldn’t get it of my face. He had found his way under my skin,
I was intrigued, so I sent him the first message and told him ‘I have a grin on
my face, go figure’? So they say the rest is history.

 

We dated, we feel in love, he moved in, he proposed and we
married, our life was on a new path together. Our dreams merging together and
paving a new way forward together, we where two becoming one!

 

Just like all couples you have great days, awesome days,
nice days, crazy days, emotional, frustrating days, some days with doubt, but
you work through this together as one.

 

My husband and I had decided to become parents together; I
under went surgery to reverse an operation I had before my last marriage
failed.  Life continued after my
recovery, in that time I had decided to take the leap and go into business for
myself, creating weddings to remember for everyone, not just at certain venues.

 

It was a scary road full of the unknown and not wanting to
fail. I had a dream inside and my husband supported me every step of the way.
In June 2013, I launched, Evoke by Katrina, Wedding planning and Styling in the
Margaret River region of WA. Once again Inspiration was rippling in, I was
flying high with my dreams.

 

In July 2013, my husband and I discovered we where pregnant,
he was finally going to become a dad, our family was growing, we where both
excited, concerned and overwhelmed at our news. Everything was happening at
once, new business, being pregnant, what a rush. We had out moments of joy, but
we also had moments of worry. My business plans would need to change slightly,
but we both agreed I could manage both. He was by my side supporting me.

 

Unfortunately we where not so lucky, at 9 weeks we
discovered our little one was ectopic, and we lost our little angel. Rough seas
of emotion once again surrounded me, mourning our lost and trying to nurture a
new business venture.

 

As the weeks past and I had healed, I was once again
following my heart and building my business with love and excitement. I was
booking new clients daily, I was finding my feet and moving forward.

 

Months rolled on, my business was growing, I had opened a studio
to showcase my French inspired furniture, I couldn’t have been happier, so
proud of myself and so excited for the future. My dreams where coming true, I
had listened to my inner voice and followed my heart.

 

On the outside looking in, our life was beautiful, we where bestest
of friends, lovers, husband and wife working together to build a beautiful
life.

Then one day I will never forget, my husband told me he
didn’t love me anymore and couldn’t fit his life into mine with the boys. It
was over and he was moving out. No couples counseling, no trips away to work it
out, it’s just over, he couldn’t lie to me anymore.

 

I dropped the phone in silent shock, re hearing the words I
just heard, it couldn’t be true, it can’t be true kept thinking, this is not
happening. My life had just come to a complete stop within seconds. My heart
was crushed, my dreams faded into the background my future stood silent.

 

Days passed by and family gathered to support me in anyway
they could, I was moving around not feeling or understanding my situation. In
another flash of reality I had a massive wedding to style and manage in the
comings weeks, I was overwhelmed with worry, how was I going to get through
this. I create weddings and dreams for a business, how can you do this with a
broken heart? Needless to say I have a very supportive family who helped in
everyway they could to help me create the wedding day of my clients dreams,
even if I needed to occasionally sneak off and let the tears fall.

 

My clients day arrived, the ceremony set and reception,
everything was going to plan, guests arrived one by one, the groom and
groomsmen, and then the stunning bride and her bridesmaids, it was picture
perfect, it was the second time in matter of weeks, time stood still as watched
my beautiful clients embrace and share their love with another for all to see.
Another tear trickled down my face at the realization that I was still
listening to my heart and creating beautiful moments for others, no matter what
is happening in my life.

 

I also discovered that day the deep friendships I have made
in the wedding industry over the years, and with their help and love just like
mine, we where all able to create a day to be remembered for a lifetime. 

 

The weeks are still going by, and tears are falling less and
less, I am back on the high seas navigating my way through, but this time it’s
different, I’ve been here before, so I know I will follow my inner voice and
sail back to calmer waters, I have a compass and I can decide where I want to
go from here. I have every faith in my dreams, and I will continue to purse
them, no matter the conditions.

 

I believe in love, marriage and deep commitment, I love,
LOVE and I want all my clients to feel their time stand still as they too share
in this incredible moment together.

 

With Love 

Evoke by Katrina

April 2014

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